I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
