Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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