we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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