vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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