Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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