guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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