i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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