How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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