Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
