Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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