I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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