This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
