As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
