Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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