You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
