He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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