there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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