She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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