Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
