So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
