Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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