just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sext me about skeletons
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
