So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
