Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
