Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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