Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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