We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
