so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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