for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
