Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize