I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
