literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
