I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
