we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
