Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
