Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
