i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
