If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
