"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
