Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
