I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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