No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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