at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
