Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
