May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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