You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I could fuck to npr.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
