I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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