I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
