Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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