I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
