i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
